Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
