i just had sex bonerless
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
