I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
