its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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