It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
