would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
