whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
