i just wanna soil my oats bro
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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