Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
