there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
