I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
