dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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