so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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