She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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