this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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