We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
