Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
