We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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