the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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