who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
