great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
