I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
