On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
