There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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