I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
