omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
