When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
