just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
