Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
