i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
