whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
