Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
