maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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