i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
