grandma shit on top of the toilet
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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