He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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