he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
