Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
