I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
