i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
