having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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