I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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