I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
