i jhust puked up my retainher.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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