she woke up with a sticky ear
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
