Only a mothe r could love this liver
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
