I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
vagina is talking i cant
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
