i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
