so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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