does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
