I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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